“I allow others to be as they need to be – no judgment.”
Practicing allowing with others requires a continual awareness of what we think, say, and how we react. Allowing takes many forms, but when you have a full ability to allow others to be how they want to be – it frees you to focus on the one person you can change, yourself.
It is so important to let go of trying to change others to be how we want them to be, judging people by their personality or appearance, and criticizing others without knowing who they really are or what their motives are. Let’s make the choice to no longer interfere with how others live.
What does living with allowing look like? Because it can be so multifaceted, I hope these tips and examples help you assess aspects you may not have previously considered.
• If you see your daughter interacting with your grandchild in a way you feel is not the best - stop yourself from telling your daughter how to mother her own child. If you are holding in your frustration, stop and breathe it out. If worry sets in, stop and replace it with a positive intention that is the opposite of the worry.
• The next time you see your partner consuming something that’s unhealthy, even if you have concerns for their health or see someone you care about choose a job that is below their capabilities - stop. Learn to take a deep breath without saying anything, and breathe out the frustration, pain, or lack of control you are feeling. Come to the understanding that you have to allow them make their own choices. Use your intention to create how they will positively move forward within their choices, then ask the angels to help them and let it go. This way is more beneficial for both them and you.
• If you persist in telling others what to do or are trying to control situations, you will make it worse. Energetically, persistence equals resistance. The more you persist, the more they will resist what you say or do, even if they feel you could be right. It’s many people’s automatic reaction to resist, so if you learn to allow instead, it may prevent escalation and pushback.
• If allowing is hard for you, especially if you feel the need to offer input, learn how to be a better neutral sounding board. Express how you trust them to make the best choices possible. If they ask for advice or ideas, share some of your thoughts in a positive manner versus a convincing/controlling one. Your relationships will improve if you engage in this type of communication and problem solving.
• An overlooked aspect of communication is being a good listener. Often those who are important to us want to be really heard vs being told what to do or how to do it. It is a wonderful gift when someone listens with total attention. This is a good approach no matter what the situation is, as it allows communication and it fosters growth within a safe framework.
• Understand the difference between being a good coach and trying to be a fixer. The desire to fix the ones we love, to make things better for them, seems innocent enough on the surface. However, it enables them to never learn how to address issues and challenges on their own. When we become a good coach instead, it empowers them to make their own choices. Consider using coaching questions such as: “What do you feel is best?” “What are you looking for as an outcome?” “If you could wave a magic wand, how would you want it to be and why?” “Why do you say that?” Questions like these encourages your loved ones to practice thinking though situations and leads to wiser choices.
• If your significant other talks to you in an unpleasant manner, instead of being emotionally hurt, step back and really assess the situation. What emotion is driving their words or maybe this is how they talk with everyone, not just you. You aren’t in control of their words, but you are in control of your reaction and action to them. Maybe the other person doesn’t mean to be abrasive but are repeating learned behavior from a parent. Maybe additional stress makes them less aware of their words. Whatever is at the root, you can choose to let it go. Visualize yourself releasing a balloon and say, “I am not emotionally entangled with this anymore. I hold myself intact and whole. I choose to rise above it.” See yourself as an angel rising above, until it completely fades out of view. Many issues have been resolved by this approach, especially when coupled with honest, calm communication.
• Perhaps most importantly, routinely check in with yourself. Spend time in reflection about areas, people, or situations where you haven’t totally embraced allowing. Ask yourself: “Where am I not allowing, whether in my life, with self, with others?” Follow through with the answers you uncover as you continue forward on your allowing journey.
Fully allowing is one of the highest forms of living. Affirm your experiences and discover healthier communication. Use a mantra like, “I allow. I allow whatever is going on, to go on,” to repeat as a reminder.
To achieve a life of peace, the secret is allowing and going with the flow. It is for our benefit to allow others to be how they need to be, even it means walking away if it does not suit who you are. Allow yourself to be who you need to be, as well. Do the work to forgive and release all judgment, anger, and emotional entanglements with others. The more you allow, the easier time you will have when it comes to going with the flow. As you master this way of being, you’ll reach the point where you no longer have to focus on it. It will move from an active choice to becoming who you are naturally!