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How to Be Allowing With Others
“I allow others to be as they
need to be – no judgment.”
with others requires a continual awareness of what we think, say,
and how we react. Allowing takes many forms, but when you have a
full ability to allow others to be how they want to be – it frees
you to focus on the one person you can change, yourself.
is so important to let go of trying to change others to be how we
want them to be, judging people by their personality or appearance,
and criticizing others without knowing who they really are or what
their motives are. Let’s make the choice to no longer interfere with
how others live.
What does living with allowing look like?
Because it can be so multifaceted, I hope these tips and examples
help you assess aspects you may not have previously considered.
• If you see your daughter interacting with your
grandchild in a way you feel is not the best - stop yourself from
telling your daughter how to mother her own child. If you are
holding in your frustration, stop and breathe it out. If worry sets
in, stop and replace it with a positive intention that is the
opposite of the worry.
• The next time you see
your partner consuming something that’s unhealthy, even if you have
concerns for their health or see someone you care about choose a job
that is below their capabilities - stop. Learn to take a deep breath
without saying anything, and breathe out the frustration, pain, or
lack of control you are feeling. Come to the understanding that you
have to allow them make their own choices. Use your intention to
create how they will positively move forward within their choices,
then ask the angels to help them and let it go. This way is more
beneficial for both them and you.
• If you
persist in telling others what to do or are trying to control
situations, you will make it worse. Energetically, persistence
equals resistance. The more you persist, the more they will resist
what you say or do, even if they feel you could be right. It’s many
people’s automatic reaction to resist, so if you learn to allow
instead, it may prevent escalation and pushback.
• If allowing is hard for you, especially if you feel the need to
offer input, learn how to be a better neutral sounding board.
Express how you trust them to make the best choices possible. If
they ask for advice or ideas, share some of your thoughts in a
positive manner versus a convincing/controlling one. Your
relationships will improve if you engage in this type of
communication and problem solving.
overlooked aspect of communication is being a good listener. Often
those who are important to us want to be really heard vs being told
what to do or how to do it. It is a wonderful gift when someone
listens with total attention. This is a good approach no matter what
the situation is, as it allows communication and it fosters growth
within a safe framework.
• Understand the
difference between being a good coach and trying to be a fixer. The
desire to fix the ones we love, to make things better for them,
seems innocent enough on the surface. However, it enables them to
never learn how to address issues and challenges on their own. When
we become a good coach instead, it empowers them to make their own
choices. Consider using coaching questions such as: “What do you
feel is best?” “What are you looking for as an outcome?” “If you
could wave a magic wand, how would you want it to be and why?” “Why
do you say that?” Questions like these encourages your loved ones to
practice thinking though situations and leads to wiser choices.
• If your significant other talks to you in an
unpleasant manner, instead of being emotionally hurt, step back and
really assess the situation. What emotion is driving their words or
maybe this is how they talk with everyone, not just you. You aren’t
in control of their words, but you are in control of your reaction
and action to them. Maybe the other person doesn’t mean to be
abrasive but are repeating learned behavior from a parent. Maybe
additional stress makes them less aware of their words. Whatever is
at the root, you can choose to let it go. Visualize yourself
releasing a balloon and say, “I am not emotionally entangled with
this anymore. I hold myself intact and whole. I choose to rise above
it.” See yourself as an angel rising above, until it completely
fades out of view. Many issues have been resolved by this approach,
especially when coupled with honest, calm communication.
• Perhaps most importantly, routinely check in with yourself. Spend
time in reflection about areas, people, or situations where you
haven’t totally embraced allowing. Ask yourself: “Where am I not
allowing, whether in my life, with self, with others?” Follow
through with the answers you uncover as you continue forward on your
Fully allowing is one of the highest forms
of living. Affirm your experiences and discover healthier
communication. Use a mantra like, “I allow. I allow whatever is
going on, to go on,” to repeat as a reminder.
To achieve a
life of peace, the secret is allowing and going with the flow. It is
for our benefit to allow others to be how they need to be, even it
means walking away if it does not suit who you are. Allow yourself
to be who you need to be, as well. Do the work to forgive and
release all judgment, anger, and emotional entanglements with
others. The more you allow, the easier time you will have when it
comes to going with the flow. As you master this way of being,
you’ll reach the point where you no longer have to focus on it. It
will move from an active choice to becoming who you are naturally!
to learn how she can help you master this topic - or transform other
health, emotion, and spiritual issues.
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