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all about you - or is it?
“Ted just ignored me.” “Marsha keeps putting me down.” “Bob is
jealous of my expertise.” “Shelly acts like I don’t exist.”
of these situations, you may feel hurt and betrayed. You may feel
like you don’t belong. You might feel bitter and angry. You think
that when someone acts a certain way in your presence, that his
behavior is all about you. You are feeling like she is intentionally
trying to hurt or ignore you.
Has this happened to you? Of
course it has, it has happened to all of us in our life. Well...
Guess what? It’s not all about you. It’s about them!
that’s right. How the other person is in each moment is about them
and what is going on for them. It could be about how they are
choosing to perceive or think about a situation. Maybe they are
depressed, anxious, preoccupied or stressed. It’s possible that you
are triggering an unconscious buried pattern within them. Any of
these could be what is driving their behavior. They probably are not
even considering you. So don’t flatter yourself. It is not about you
– it is all about them!
Once you understand that it is not
all about you, it becomes easier to detach yourself, and not take
things personally. It also becomes easier to allow others to be how
they need to be, even if you don’t agree with their behavior.
(Please note that allowing and detaching does not mean that you
accept or agree with another’s behavior. It just simply means you
allow them to be, as they need to be – and that is their choice.)
When you detach and allow, you avoid all kinds of negativity,
like absorbing and holding on to the feelings of hurt, anger,
betrayal, and isolation – just to name a few. We know that holding
onto negative feelings causes great damage, not only to your energy
level and attitude, but also to your health and well-being.
So, the next time someone is behaving in a rude, angry, or curt
manner try blessing them, regardless of where they are right now.
Then detach yourself from the moment and rise above it, allowing the
other person to be how they need to be.
Stop yourself if you
start to fill yourself with hurt or anger based emotions. Say to
yourself, “I am not going there.” Then, take a slow deliberate deep
breath. See yourself detaching from the situation – maybe even
floating on a cloud above it looking down. Say to yourself, “I allow
‘X’ to be how he/she needs to be. This is not about me. It is
his/her issue.” Then just do not respond to their behavior. Just
When you detach, it energetically opens up a space for
something new to happen. It also starts to change you from the
inside, so you attract less of these types of situations. Know that
once you acknowledge that their behavior is not attributed to you –
that it is their issue – each time it becomes easier to accomplish.
A client shared that when she is around a certain person who has
made her feel fearful and anxious, she uses the tool of detachment
to be unchanged by the situation. She begins by acknowledging the
behavior is his issue, not hers. Then she sees this person as an
upset child wanting attention. She is even able to chuckle about it
inside of herself. Yet, before she would spin herself up with fear
Think of all the times that you have spun yourself
up, stressed yourself out, or held on to terrible emotions
unnecessarily – sometimes for days or weeks. If only you had known
that it is not all about you, you could have saved yourself a lot of
anxiety, stress, and a whole lot of damage to your body.
why not start practicing detachment and allowing?
do, your stress level will decrease, and you will be lighter and
brighter - I promise!
Contact Alice to learn how
she can help you master this topic - or transform other health,
emotion, and spiritual issues. Free consultations are offered
all new clients to learn how Alice's work is directly tailored to
address your areas of concern. Don't wait - step onto your Healing